Don’t read this. I hate this.

It has been a very long 40 weeks (and one day). I have not enjoyed being pregnant. I haven’t talked much about my experience because I hate being a bummer in public. I have no problem whining and complaining in private situations but I generally try to keep things positive in social media.

Also, I haven’t really had any real problems. I have been fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy and I am incredibly grateful for my health and for the kindness and generosity of my friends and family.

That being said.

1. I was severely nauseated for 5 months. I gained crazy weight very quickly because I had to eat crackers literally all the time to combat my nausea. By the time I wasn’t nauseated, I was so fat I just gave up and ate all the ice cream. Maybe not the best strategy. It is what it is.
2. I was really dizzy and weak in my first trimester. I had trouble walking, showering, getting dressed. I could not exercise. Dizzy spells would come out of nowhere. My fitness level declined dramatically. I went from being a casual runner and yoga enthusiast, to someone who could not safely walk her dog.
3. I cried all the time. At night. Hysterically. I cried about everything. I cried about real problems and absurd problems. I cried for AN HOUR because I shrank one of my shirts in the dryer. I cried because I was lonely, because even with all the love and support, I still felt deeply isolated.
4. I went from seeking a minimal lifestyle to hoarding. My husband bought a freezer so I could buy all the frozen goods we’d need. Because grocery stores won’t be open when our baby arrives? Pizza places won’t deliver?
5. I became an anxious and desperate shopper. I spent hours of my life scrolling through baby product reviews, desperate to find the right thing, and exhausting myself with wanting. I know that Harry doesn’t need a Pottery Barn diaper bag or a closet full of Aiden and Anais swaddles but I sincerely felt that if I didn’t have those things, I would somehow fail as a mother and as a human being.

Being a bummer is super lame, I know. I hope nobody ever reads this. But I also believe in telling the truth. It is what it is.

Here’s a pic of me and my husband and Harry we took yesterday:

I’m going to go eat some ice cream now. TTYL.